cursed with a longing that made my head dizzy, cursed with a yearning that made my mouth water, cursed with fingers that sought out a touch that would never come. i believed that once i loved, i was sentenced for life, and when that love was unrequited, surely it meant i was sentenced to death.
maybe it was a twisted joke from god; maybe he found it funny how i struggled to sleep at night because my head was full of you, how driving past your street made my stomach turn, or how the sound of your name felt like a calling i couldn't ignore despite how much i begged to.
maybe it made him laugh when i felt as though he engraved your initials on my heart, when i felt like my memory was a home that preserved your being, or when i felt like my purpose in this world was to provide a little bit of kindness just for you.
it made him laugh because he knew it wasn't true.
he knew that despite the endless tears and sleepless nights, i wasn't cursed but rather blessed. blessed with the ability to be choked up with care, blessed with the ability to provide warmth in a blizzard, and blessed with the ability to find beauty in absence. it was not a curse but a gift to be able to risk my heart and, despite how much they hesitate, still open my arms tomorrow.
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